I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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