We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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