I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
