My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
