Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
