Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
