so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
