And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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