i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
