fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
