my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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