Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
