eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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