dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
