guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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