Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
