I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Houston, we have a squirter
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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