Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
this just has baby written all over it
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
