did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize