So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
