ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
