We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
