You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Your tits are I can't wait for
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
