I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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