My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize