oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
