i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
