So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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