Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
