Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
