Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
