Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
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