You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
