My room smells like vodka and shame
Pappa wants mamma naked
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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