I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
