You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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