thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
