in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
