i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
