PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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