fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
