Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Randomize
