Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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