Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
