i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
