Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
