If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
