sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
