I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
