Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I smell stomach acid.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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