Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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