areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
