Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
