It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
