hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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