i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Actions speak louder than pants.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
My feet surprised me
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
