The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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