Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
