Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
