My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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