I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
