i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
