Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize