Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
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