someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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