So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
tell your sister to shave her snatch
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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