I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
