I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize