Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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