Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
