one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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