...so i touched it.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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