Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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