I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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