Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
