He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize