How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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