you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
