Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
