I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
