Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I think my moral compass just broke
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
