I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
