i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
if only i could text you this smell
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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