my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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