My nipple is on Facebook.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
