dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
