He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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