Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
