Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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