thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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