so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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