So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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