I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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