He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
