Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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