we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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