Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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