Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
