Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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