wanna go halves on a baby?
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
