My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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