Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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