she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
