A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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