can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
