I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
